I am So Wonderful! I am So Fucked Up! I am So Wonderfully Fucked Up!

       Warning: this is a rant!

       I’ve sworn off of sex and marriage and intimate relationship like, 1,000 times!

       What irks me? The fact I have major money problems, am a wonderfully imperfect human, AND I have a man who wants to date me, but is terrified of intimacy, as am I!

       Welcome to my life! I am not suicidal. I’m no longer “borderline homeless”, either. Another month, another demon to slay or dance with.

       I have financial troubles. AND I have a growing romantic relationship! My man there, has work to do. He earns money! He has a car and a house. I’m losing my heart to him.

       I don’t know which is worse. The money problems, which are severe yet temporary, or the heart and groin ache, which is less severe and I suspect, far less temporary.

       And on top of everything else, the stupid computer registration system for my school is fucked up, too!

       I want to scream! But I can’t. I’m in the middle of a public library. And my stomach is growling.

       I’m surrounded by children, old people, Asians, blacks, Mexicans, weird smells, books, lights, and electricity. It sure beats sitting at home!

       I’m lucky I have a home.

       I’m the most Undesirable woman in the world! And so proud of it, I want to add! I’m NOT a porn fantasy. So sorry to say! I HAVE porn fantasies. I want to be a sex temple priestess! I have to settle for being an artist. Art is safe sex! Music is safe public sex! Writing is love making.

       I’m an author, above all else! The world “authority” is rooted in “author”.


Linda M. Smith

Hayward, CA

April 2014


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