Please let me be a storyteller!

A storyteller’s prayer…
May I always be honest and compassionate at the same time.
May I realize I am not the only one who suffers.
Thank you for my boyfriend.  And for the fact I am a sex healer with a heart of gold! 
Total honesty with compassion is the way to go.  Compassion embraces all beings.  Even the bullies.  Even rapists and murderers.
Compassion embraces the crying child at the supermarket.  And the mother who’s menstrual and having to show up at work anyways because she’s supporting a house,  a car, and that crying child.
Linda,  I’m so sorry for all the years that I verbally abused you.  Linda and I share the same clothes,  wear the same shoe size and even chew our food together!
  Because of that menstrual mother,  I still have teeth at 49! 
Yesterday, I thought I didn’t have the right to breathe air.  Now, my heart is melting like cement in rain.
For compassionate woman and stone woman are the same creature.  I want to be a great writer one day.
I can’t heal you of your shame left over from when the teacher told you you couldn’t spell.   But I can encourage you to pick up the pen and fly across paper landscapes.
I have the right to brag when I’m telling the truth.  I wish I had room for my dreams.
I wish I could give it all away without hurting myself.
I wish I were what I know in my heart I already am.

Dear Life,

Thank you for having me as a guest on Planet Earth. I wish I could get married. I wish I could have a real job. I’ve decided I’m too confused and messed-up to have a full life. I wish I could bring more beauty into this world. Anyway, I can’t wait to turn 50 next summer. Then, I can die. Or live. It’s up to God and I to decide whether I die or live.
I am haunted by my own death. I know that sex and death are intimately connected. That’s why I find sex so scary! You and your lover are never the same afterwards. Sex causes marriage. I’m ignorant of marriage, I know. I’ve never been married! I’m waaaaaaayyyy too human to even attempt genuine intimacy. I guess intimacy and I have to remain alien to each other.
Too bad. I’d make someone a GREAT wife. I know I’m not supposed to have confidence in myself. The official story is, I’m crazy and a piece of trash who has no right to even take her next breath. To the one who says that nonsense to me, please fuck off. IMMEDIATELY. Thank you!

Love, Linda

Dear Yanni

Your song, Felitsa, you said you wrote in honor of your mother. It made me cry. Your music makes me cry. This is healing release. Also, your song, “A Word In Private”, makes me cry. You are saving me from suicide. I do not want to take my own life. Not really. I just can’t stand the pain anymore.
I wish I could write a song to my mother. But she won’t listen. Why would Mom and and Dad be sorry they birthed an artist?
I can’t stand the pain of staying stuck anymore. I hear church bells.

love, Linda M. Smith

November Mandala

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     I like knobs at each of the 4 Cardinal Directions.  They’re round, smooth, and solid-looking.  The 13 yellow projections inside remind me of the intestines.  I like spirals because they bridge the past and future, and influence dreams.   I like playing with warm and cool colors.  I like Stars of David.  And the 5-pointed stars, also.  I like playing with lines to move your eye around.

Animal Shield

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     I first learned about shields of the 4 directions from Lynn V Andrews,  my favorite shaman author.  Above is my rendition of a cat in the South,  a lion in the West,  a hummingbird in the North,  and a snake in the East.  Inside the center is a spiral that’s morphed into a snail. 
      Recently, I dreamed of a snake, a man, and making out with him in a Studebaker.  He threw the snake in the air.  It broke into 3 pieces.  A coil, a phallus-looking thing, and a long snake.  Yes, he slipped me the tongue!  (The man in the Studebaker).  I’m sure it was a past life dream!